I think car parks are very stressful environments, especially badly-designed ones. There’s a certain amount of risk involved in entering a car park, especially at weekends and around Christmas time when the whole thing can resemble a demolition derby. The lure of the shops is a bit like catnip and can send even the sanest person into a frenzy. So take your time and try to avoid any of these mishaps!

1) Collisions

Hit someone else’s car or come back to your car to find it’s been hit and the criminal has absconded without even leaving a note. Could lead to point 2 below.

2) Arguments/Altercations

Get involved in an argument with another car park punter. Kind of like a Twitter spat, no one wins and everyone looks dirty afterwards. Avoid.

3) Tight spots

Come back to your car to find that the numpty next door has left no room for you to get into your car. Worse still, screw yourself in so tightly into a space that you can’t get out of it. That’s called scoring an own goal and the only person you can blame is yourself.

4) Ticket panic

In a daze from all that consumerism and gathering of material goods, ignore all the “Have you paid your ticket?” signs, then rock up at the barrier only to realise that you forgot to pay and now you’re the idiot holding up everyone.

5) Kerb beaching

Overshoot the space or misjudge a corner, and you could find yourself beached on one of these. Is there anything more traumatic than hearing the grinding noise of metal on concrete or the tearing of plastic as you leave the front of the car on the kerb?

Caroline Kidd