1. Park wide of the pump so that no one can use the pumps opposite. If anyone challenges you tell them that there’s loads of space and if they can’t fit there then they really shouldn’t have a driver’s licence.
  2. Leave your car at the pump and then go on a ten minute shopping spree before paying. That’s bound to cause some congestion at the pumps.
  3. You know those one way systems? Well just to annoy everyone, drive in the wrong way, park at the pumps facing the opposite direction to everyone else, maybe do a bit of point 1, then try point 2, and then wait for them all to get out of your way before you leave – the wrong way. Rules are made to be broken.
  4. Get all your friends to meet you at the filling station and then park side-by-side in a big long line until you’re asked to leave.
  5. You can annoy people inside the shop too if they haven’t already had enough of you out on the forecourt. They will recognise you as the idiot from Pump 6 and won’t they be sorry that they didn’t get into pay before you? Pay with card but then forget your pin, take out your three other cards and tell the cashier that you’re not sure which account has money in it so can you try them all?
  6. Be the model punter, pull up in the right direction, leave space for others to fuel up, pay promptly…But when you come back to your car, open the boot, fidget around in there for a while, then open the back door for more of the same, open the driver’s door, get in, start the ignition, look at yourself in the mirror, make a phone call or have a chat with your passenger. And then pull off when you’re good and ready.

What annoys you most at the pumps?

Caroline Kidd